Honesty

Sir/Ma'am,

In having such an up and down week, I have leaned on other subs/slaves for advise and friendship. My Master was gone part of the week and I was keeping in touch with another Master via emails to keep me in line, for the most part.

In my discussions with any Dom, I will make sure my wording is proper and correct. When first introducing myself to subs I use proper wording and make sure everything is Kosher. Once friends with a sub, I want to be myself. Yes, we are subs/slaves and yes, our Masters/Doms probably are reading our emails and texts that we send each other... but that's the key.

I have found in being brutally honest in my blogs/journal, it has helped Master immensely. It is a way for him to look deeply into who I am and where my feelings and thoughts are. When he reads my emails/blogs/texts he gets a better understanding of where I am and where I think we are heading. Perhaps he was taking things a little slow, but in reading an email he finds that another sub has helped me overcome a small hurdle and am willing to try again using new found information to move the process along.

Many times Master is surprised by my deeper understanding of what I have been doing. He gets me more and more. He loves to read new things and loves my complete honesty.

Honesty is rare now days. I choose to be upfront. I may hide my face and real name for family reasons, but I am not fake. This is who I truly am. I am honest with my Master and sometimes I don't understand what I want/don't want until I have started writing my daily blog. So, I have decided to state here what I really want. Honest and upfront with everyone.

I want my Master to be the one guiding light in my life. I do have wants and needs, and with complete honesty, I know that Master will understand them and be able to full fill them. I WANT to please Master and I know that my body has limitations. I am more than willing to work on those limitations for the pleasure of my Master, which then brings me pleasure.

I WANT and NEED friendships with subs that are bare bones honest. I don't care if your Master reads your emails... if you can't be 100% honest in emails to me, because you fear your Master, then, you aren't being honest with your Master. I do not fear that my Master will punish me for what I have said.

Will I be punished for some of the things I have said, yes. However, I do not fear his correction in me. He needs to hear these things, he needs to know my doubts and that it is not just an issue with his slave, but an issue that many subs are dealing with.

If I am honest and tell a sub that I don't like that my Master kept his morning piss and pissed on me and I almost couldn't stand the smell and I almost barfed. Then IF Master happens to read that... I am not being disrespectful of him... but he now can decide will he use that as a punishment tool, or will he choose to understand that in order for us to both enjoy golden showers, he has to start with a little less aggressive technique. If he happens to see the response I get from another sub regarding it, he may see that this sub also hates it, or the sub has explained how she/he got over it and is now enjoying it for her Master.

I have also seen Doms/Masters competing with each other on just how sick and twisted they can be and what they can get their slaves to do. I understand that this is a matter of pride as well as competition. I wonder though how much true and honest communication happens between them. I think that the sub community seems a little more open and honest and is working more towards support and helping each other get to the next level.

and Masters/Doms also tend to have a fear of other Masters/Doms muscling in and trying to take over or even sway a sub away. I feel that's where the communication is lost. I love that my Master has with me and anyone he chooses to bring in our friendships a list of do'sdon'ts. Master and I have an unspoken way of letting each other know which level to go to, what is accepted and what is an absolute no. Setting up boundaries ahead of time is SO important.

There is nothing more confusing to a sub than a temp Master giving orders saying that the Master has approved this, when the Master has only approved very little...but to listen to the other Master. This becomes more confusing because the Master is gone and it is hard to get approval. The sub wants to obey the temp Master as told to, but cannot go against a rule set by her Master, but he is gone and that approval cannot be given. Can you say mentally and emotionally confusing?

subs/slaves are loyal to their Masters after being trained so long to rely on and trust one Master then to bring in a temp Master is hurtful, confusing, and sometimes unwanted. No true sub/slave wants to feel like they are betraying their Masters. Even with the approval from the Master, it feels wrong... and we need time to overcome that. I would say forcing the issue could shut a sub down. It's not that they don't want it, or are unwilling to following Master's commands... it's a mental and emotional thing. Subs are imprinted to their Masters... to try and trust a Master/Dom that has not built that relationship is hard.

So what I am saying is that Master needs to not only understand that I want to serve him completely and do everything he wants me to, but that there are fears, questions, and emotional & physical barriers that may stand in the way of what both of us want. Master is not a mind reader, and there is always a sub out there that has been where I am now. It is imperative that this community not only support each other, but be honest and realistic with each other. There is always time for fantasy to take hold, but if there is a core of honest communication built first regarding that fantasy, then it will sore and bring many pleasurable results.

I am scared to play with others, my loyalty to Master is my issue. I love to talk to other subs to understand their process and be able to gripe, praise and support each other. I love to have someone who is "griping" with me, not to undermine our Masters, but to understand that we aren't alone, and this is part of the process. I am not a mindless robot who does as she is told. I am a woman who fell in love and chose to make her Master her priority in life. I am a woman who chose to trust her Master fully and understand that he will keep me safe and happy, and in return I will be a safe place for him in vulnerable times and keep him emotionally safe, and emotionally and physically happy. I have chosen to be a slave, turning everything over to my Master. However, if I didn't have opinions, personality, humor, an active comforting listening ear... then Master wouldn't WANT or need me. Master wants me to be the person he fell in love with, and I wasn't mindless or opinionless when he met me!

There is a time and place for everything... being honest makes everything easier, happier, and creates an unbreakable bond. I thank you Master for understanding me and allowing the good parts of me to still shine through. Thank you for being a caring, strict, understanding, and a great leader as my husband and Master.

Thank you for your time and attention during my rant, Sir/Ma'am.

Sinfully Red
www.sinfullyred.blogspot.com
BDSMMasterandslave@gmail.com