Insights from a Master being a slave by Master Will

Insights from a Master being a slave by Master Will

Journal Entry written about 10 hours ago by MasterWill

As I grow into this relationship with Sinfully Red and learning to become the Master that we both want I realize that I am not perfect in any way. Actually I am far from it and need help and guidance along the way. One of the mistakes I made was I didn't realize what my slave was going through as she is serving me several ways. Last night I failed my slave and did not reward her for a wonderful evening and all the hard work she is doing. Lesson number one: Reward your slave or she will revolt. We went to a play party and once I felt comfortable enough in my own skin as a Master I pulled Sinfully Red to a cross in the dark corner of the room. We talked a bit about what we were going to do and one of the things was to keep her clothes one. Well once she was tied up and took her shirt off I said I needed more space to punish her and undid her bra. Once the scene was moving along I was able to blindfold her and took her pants down. This elicited a anxiety attack but she was brave enough to get past it and get into the role. At one point she was wanting me to hit her harder but with all the noise in the room it made it difficult for me to listen to what she was saying. Lesson number two is to learn her body language so I know that what I am doing is good or bad and if it is good to keep it going and bring it to the next level.

The evening was going well but I wasn't feeling well all day and I really wanted to go because we have talked about this for a very long time. I mustered all my strength and we went. Well once the medicine started wearing off I really needed to get home. Sinfully Red wanted some extra instruction from others at the party but she thought about me and my health and said let's get home get some medicine into you and you can fuck me hard and beat me at home. Lesson Three is communication. She communicated to me her wants and needs and I was shutting down my mouth and didn't communicate back to her what I wanted, needed or my intentions. We got home and I punished her but my heart, mind and soul wasn't into it. I was piss poor at it to be honest and than got her on her back and took the vibrator out and applied it to her pussy to get her to come so I can go to bed. No love or caring there on my part. Lesson Four is the caring of my Sinfully Red. If I am not caring about my slave and thinking about her 110% of the time she isn't going to respect me or give back what I need. I have to be in this with all my energy to show her I know what she needs and give it to her with abundance. Lesson Five is to be attentive to her condition. She suffers from Fibromyalgia and she needs her medication in the morning and night. Well I completely forgot about her medication before I sent her to bed and there is no excuse for that. No medication at night makes slave a very unhappy camper in the morning. Lesson One was the rewarding of your slave. With all the good work she did I rewarded her by telling her she can sleep on the floor where she normally sleeps. Where is the incentive for her to sleep in the bed with me if she goes all out and I kick her to the floor. So to recap I ignored her needs, didn't reward her and forgot to give her her medication for her illness. I didn't show I cared about her.

Thus comes the morning time. All hell brook loose and all the trust was gone that she had for me to protect her. There went the lifestyle. An argument erupted and I lost control of the situation which started the night before. Well I never had consequences to my actions growing up. My parents never spanked me as a kid, never was grounded, I got into trouble and all I got was yelled at. So yelling at me is what I learned to feel love. We punish our children because we love them and don't want them to do wrong. Where was the love from parents on when I did wrong. I am not saying we should "hit" our kids but we need to punish them. I got yelled at so I need the yelling from my wife to feel the safe love from her. Well she doesn't want to do that. I was so angry I told her I wanted to punish myself by cutting my arm because I needed the pain to equate to the punishment. Well she had a better idea. The roles were reversed. She took out every item I use on here to punish her and she used it on me. Holy cow does that hurt. Lesson Six is I learned the pain that I inflict on my slave. I never knew that amount of pain she is enduring for me. It is definitely an eye opener. She also humiliated me. I told her I had to piss and she decided I need to piss in a cup and pour it on myself, that sucked ass but I get the humiliation aspect of it. I showered and was told to put a blindfold on. Here comes lesson Seven and would have to say it was a hard lesson for me to learn and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. I was to present for her which was get on all fours and she lubed my ass and stuck anal beads up there. Now wait a minute, I like this, how is this happening. I was getting punished and than she is showing me pleasure? The lesson is the pain and the pleasure a slave endures is to please the master. The other big lesson is that I learned why I punish my slave. It was hard for me to reason why I am hurting my slave which is also my wife. I don't want to hurt my wife. Well the reason is I get off on the pleasure she is receiving from the pain. I punish her, she enjoys it, I hear her enjoying it and I thus enjoy hearing her and the cycle continues.

Well after all that she said I had 30 minutes to enjoy her body. I enjoyed it immensely and was able to take back the role of the master. I was able to concentrate on her pleasure and wanted her to be happy. I was able to get her to orgasm several times very easily as opposed to a huge ordeal when I am not paying attention to her. We moved to the shower and got more orgasms out of her. Master is back in control, master is happy and slave is happy as long as master tends to the needs of the slave. Well that is all for now and as I am writing this it is 30 minutes past the time of giving her her medication. You are damn straight I gave her her meds, I don't want to get beat again. :)

Master Will